Alcohol Harms: Mary’s story

Addiction and recovery often come with layers of complexity, stigma, shame, fear of judgement, and the practical barriers that make asking for help feel impossible.

Mary at Forward Leeds, shares her story.

“I have worked in addictions services since my Social Work Degree in 2005. I have had past issues with cannabis use, club and party drug use and alcohol. I stopped cannabis in my twenties and didn't get any support with this. I didn't seek help as I worked for the service and felt it would impact my ability to work or maybe my professional registration.”

The story begins with an early awareness that, even while studying and building a career in the field, the same challenges faced by many clients were present in Mary’s own life. The tension between professional identity and personal struggle became a barrier to seeking help.

“I was a classic grey area drinker. This means I was never physically dependent on alcohol. However I drank heavily every Friday and Saturday. I had no control over my drinking and couldn't stop when I started. Many times I have felt this was a problem as I would injure myself or act in ways I wouldn't usually do. I felt a lot of shame around my inability to drink normally like others seemed to do. I never sought help as I felt my problem wasn't serious enough to warrant it or to justify the potential for it to interfere with my job.”

Grey area drinking is often overlooked, yet it still causes harm. For Mary, the cycle of

weekend drinking brought both physical and emotional challenges.

“I had several periods of not drinking for a month or up to 6 weeks but then would go back due to a social event or feeling stressed. Sometimes I only drank once a week. I was drinking in a way that made me feel uncomfortable. I would sit outside away from my family every Friday night. I would also smoke when I drank too. I was drinking alone with the sole purpose of having a break from my own brain. I was diagnosed with ADHD in 2023 which helped me understand a lot of my difficulties.”

“I'm very happy to say I haven't drunk alcohol since August 2022. A friend’s party which gave me a 5-day hangover whilst I took my 6 and 4-year-old children away on holiday by myself was the final straw for me.”

“I used and continue to use the I Am Sober app. I read Allen Carr's The Easy Way for Women to Stop Drinking book and I used the Reframe app for around 3 months. If I didn't work at Forward Leeds I would have accessed our service. It also made me feel unable to access AA or SMART Recovery.”

Instead of formal services, Mary turned to digital tools, books, and self-guided methods. Working in the field was both a help and a hindrance: it gave knowledge and insight, but also created barriers to openly seeking help.

“I have been cannabis free for about 13 years, drug free for about 9 years and am almost 3 years sober from alcohol. I am thankful I have my job as it has given me the tools to do this but it has also meant I have done this alone, in shame and in isolation.”

Thank you to Mary for sharing her story.